i stop doing music

i remember my last stage was when i sing at Samarinda with Irine and the other musicians. 

i promised myself that it is my last performance this year.

it's my 9th performance long as i being solo musician. 

i'm healing myself nowadays. 

i think it was my thought only, but i wanna tell that fake people, toxic people are exist

around us.

i've been in anger, i never fail myself, i never disappoint myself

'cause i always know what i'm doing

what's my purpose..

but then i met these people

who is trapped me with their bad words

they make me hate myself 

but then again i think my walls are too weak 

so they can come in easily

they know no boundary 

i mean, if you don't have positive or good words

can you just quiet ?

even cursing, i avoid that

out of it, i don't even care anymore

that's their big problem 

only them who can solve the problem 

people who underestimate someone is people who doubt theirselves a lot

'cause i believe that words are reflecting our own selves

so, i made my debut again after restarting my life 

i perform at Telkom yesterday in the early morning at 8 

and that is my last perform before i move (temporarily) to another city in Kalimantan 

this is my last performance this year

i'm gonna miss me sing on stage :)

the changes

lightnings are still happen outside since the past hour

i just get home after work and having a late dinner with my friends

it's 2:23 a.m when i'm typing on my laptop... finally...

the last day has come (after 15 days)

i miss this, typing on my laptop

listen to the fan's sound, calm..

it is just the perfect me time for me

i still can feel my back hurt

hurt for the wholeeee weekdays-weekend

but it's not a problem since i really want to do physical job

so?

what is the changes?

i think it's very small changes from me

1. i don't have any goals now
2. my life is wayyyyy to simple now (i don't force myself, when i'm tired take a break and learn how to let go of things that doesn't belong to me anymore)
3. talk or not talk to anyone is fine for me, i don't take it seriously anymore, it's so flexible now
4. take any chance, take any chance, even if i am unfit or lack of sleep, i don't wanna miss one chance (music activity or a real working) i might make my music activity as a real job for me someday but idk yet, depends on many factors
5. i'm not process oriented anymore but also the result now
6. emotionally stable now, i mean.. i don't hide my emotional and hoarding it myself. i ask my mom or my bestie to help me at least to just listen to me and give me the most effective solution of it

so, who am i ? 

this is my public journal

everyone can read this

and everyone has their own rights to judge and to see

prove that i love myself since i made this blog

until now, it never disappoint me at all

playlist : Westlife - Westlife Album

"pikiran orang-orang"

pikiran orang-orang terlalu kompleks. ekspektasi dan harapan yang masih mereka miliki melemahkan kesederhanaan pikiran orang-orang biasa. berbondong-bondong agat terlihat baik dan terbaik. padahal luka dimana mana. jika ia mengetahui satu hal baru lebih cepat daripada orang lain, bagiku tidak cukup untuk menganggap diri terbaik.

pikiran orang-orang terlalu tinggi, aku bukan lawan yang tepat dengan pikiran sederhana.

pikiran orang-orang bahwa aku terlalu sulit dimengerti, itu adalah cerminan kata yang menggambarkan bagaimana mereka berusaha memahami diri mereka sendiri.

pikiran orang-orang sangat terbatas tapi terlampau jauh. mungkin mereka lupa apa yang menjadikan manusia mulia. bukan dengan saling menjatuhkan, melemahkan, dan perlahan mematikan yang lainnya.

jika ingin menjadi yang terbaik
jika ingin menjadi yang terpandai
jika ingin menjadi terkenal

tidak perlu untuk meremehkan orang lain yang pikirannya lebih sederhana

hai orang-orang pintar..
pengetahuan dan kemampuan orang itu tidak diukur dari perkataannya
tapi kau mudah sekali ditebak dari perkataanmu sendiri

i don't know how

aku mulai sakit kepala berbicara dengan orang-orang ini

panggil aku pecundang
lari dari kenyataan
pulang sebelum menang
bersembunyi dan menulis
terima kasih

yang hidup akan mati
hidup sendiri sudah melelahkan
apalagi bertemu dengan orang-orang seperti kalian
yang tidak pernah puas dengan keadaan orang lain

apakah aku
atau temanku yang sakit pikirannya ?

atau kalian yang tidak ingin menyadari semuanya ?