Concepting "New but Old" Thing

It's my second year in Malang. 2026 comes faster, i turn 32 this year. I remember when i started this blog in 2013, it's 13 years ago. Now i am still into writing but not too active. But the mood is coming again recently. I got a good vibe to write lyric again, maybe because it is my month? I am not expecting anything but to live my days calmly and of course with much of money, i hope.

Why "concepting new but old thing"? Yes, move to another city is always my dreams since i was 20s. But i let it stay for too long, i kept it in my mind. And also, for the other things from small to big ones. If the biggest one is done, then i need to do the rest now. It won't start easy but because it's been too long in my own head, i bet it would turn okay. All i need to do is start and to make it happen, i need to make it clear. Listing, making the big picture until the details, budget estimation. It will be more complex, but the road will seem clear. Of course, i have to keep it private for now since i know that telling our plan does not seem a good option. 

What i am doing right now? 

Survive, yes, i might not seem like a hard worker. I used to work with thinking and creativity, but the working hard never be my work style or i will do it quietly. So, no one can see that part from me. And the second is doing my therapy. I am still on my medication. Living in this city really helps me to do that. While i am following the free tips from Liam, i am going to continue my income survival and then i will complete the course, i hope so. Those two things are my priority, wealth and health. What about love? It's okay, it will follow.

339. December & The New Perspective

This is me writing to my other self.

My circle is smaller now. As we getting older and older, no one care. No one care about us. The progress is always in silence. But when the results come up, yeah people/strangers will congratulate. It is funny and dumb. As we are getting older, expect less is better. It made days easier, right? So, do not expect a standing ovation. Nope! What i am doing lately is do what i want, action or silence, it is up to me. I've been losing many friends because yes, we're busy with our life but i do not want to share my problems when i see my friends again. Silence taught us much. But do you know ty? Your mind is soooo full and messy. This one person is like my twin. We are all have other sides, my sides. There is so many me in me. 

Am i always talking like this the whole my life? I don't wanna check it out right now. I can't believe it already 339th entries in here! I just want to update this side of me. She's writing right now, the positive version of myself, the optimistic, early bird, calm, motivated. 

So, what have motivated me recently? 

I've sold my acoustic guitar, it was a difficult decision, so now i have to use my electric guitar efficiently. And it's always my dream to upgrade my electric guitar skill, i've always talked about that but a little action. Now, i can focus on that first. I can't multitask. Seriously. Even in a relationship, i need my own space and my time alone. 

When i play my guitar, play the new songs on the internet, it's like it fills my heart, my body, it boosts me. I just realize it again now. So, my happiness will come up again with this thought. The point is talk and act. For me, i've been talked much with myself and the action sometimes happened just like that without many factors, i just did it. This is how my mind works. Like the subconscious. By the way, i will do 30 days guitar challenge in my instagram and youtube channel. To the future ty, i hope this will work for us.

Sep, 12th 2024

I hope, writing is still my healing

Writing in this page, writing to you

I am enough to understand the situation

But what i value to myself is on my control

Not from outsiders

30 years enough to be selfish

I did everything when i was aware

I help and i initiate.. because i want it

It supposed to be like that on my side

It was not your force

It was pure my dedication

But if the feedback is not good enough now

I will accept it

No matter what, it was my decision

I have to visit some places in this city before i leave

I am used to moving since i was a kid tho

So it will be easier to learn and adapt in the new places

I hope so

It is in my dreams

I have to pursue it

I don't know where to go but with myself i believe

I know what's the right path for me

To live in my own happiness

To help myself first

And to live with no regrets anymore