When your doctor said "this is not a life-threatening illness" it means you as a patient have to adapt and accept your pain every day or forever? Am i wrong? I just need help to cure my pain. It is been a year since August 2023. I don't whether Covid that causing it, or my motobike accident in 2013 or anomaly since i was a kid. If the doctors are confused, then what should we do as a patient ?
This is not a life-threatening illness but make me want to die. It annoys me every single day, every single hour and minutes. I can't sleep well, i can't rest i can't do normal activities as much as i want. I have been patiently, optimistically, waiting for me meeting the right doctor. Now it's been 3 months with the right hands but i don't see any changes. What should i do? Am i not allowed to be sad, mad, frustrate, depressed. Should i be fake happy? I've been there.. I tried to act normal so no one ask about my condition, even my family. No one ask. I have some strangers in my life who cares about me. Sometimes it's both make me happy and sad.
I have talk to them who is cured. They're so kind, telling me what to do since the first screening. It is not easy to get here today. I have to meet several doctors, i have to accept their words that they want me to adapt with my illness. "It is just a sound of your blood flow, so what can we do?" Damnit.
I've been so patient, i've mad, i've cried, i've tried to do normal stuff like normal people without a rare disease. I avoid toxic people, toxic positivity, fake cares, i just avoid fake people that make my life heavier. It is one of stress relieving. It is a way of medication too.
But i am just tired. Not like i am not being grateful. It is a pure human feeling, and it is my rights to cry or sad or mad. It is my rights to search the cure.
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| DSA, June 2024 |
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