Finding

Everyday is finding something for me. Like i know something new on the internet, from friends, from the news, TV, anything possible to get the information. Everyday is deciding something, about your career, your economy, your love life, your family, your environment. 

I took this photo in Benua Patra, Balikpapan

Today is good Sunday, good weekend with good friends. And i don't know, i think everyday is like a confession from the honesty. What we hear, what we see, what we read. We finally know, day by day, the truth is happen in our life and we have to face this. The good news that i heard from my friend is she admiring me and my family so much. You know, exactly she didn't want to tell me about them (inspired people). And when i know that they're us (my family), i can't believe it. We are ordinary family, who don't have father in our home anymore. Just it.

But she said that she awing us who can survive after the lost and grieve almost one year. Oh she didn't know the truth. The truth is we pretend like we have no lost at all. We still believe, my father is still here, in somewhere i don't know. Then i realize, just after she told me about that. She awing us so much. I realize that, we have to stop believe about that, and back to realize the truth that our lovely man has gone.

However, we are us who always enjoy this life. And me.. I'm trying to make our life better. Dream helps me. I want to make it real now. I have that spirit. About the pending list, and all of the story that i can't tell to my dad. And about our dream to have better house to live. He gave me the clues, what should i do next after he wasn't here anymore. And it's hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Then i get up. 

The fact is that we have to face this life without him anymore. This is not a sadness. Just.. realizing that what we lost, we can't get it back. Just keep going with what we have.. to get what we deserve in the future. 

كُلُّ مَنْ عَلَيْهَا فَانٍ ﴿٢٦﴾ وَيَبْقَى وَجْهُ رَبِّكَ ذُو الْجَلَالِ وَالْإِكْرَامِ ﴿٢٧

Meaning : (26) All that is on earth will perish:” (27) But will abide (for ever) the Face of the Lord,- full of Majesty, Bounty and Honour. (Q.S. Ar-Rahmaan (55):26-27

Do You Know What You Want ?

Planning something or get what you want the most. Sometimes it's, mmm not.. It's (often) works on me. Like getting more spirit of this life, beside what we already get and the family. Of course you need something you do for yourself. Like thinking to buy new stuff, place it on your desk or in your bedroom. Or get skin treatment, travelling, collect favorite books,etc.

I always do it. I am not afraid to say i am a dreamer. Even when  i said "i don't know what to do anymore", honestly it never really happen on me. Sometimes, i'm just confuse where to start. But, i guess people in the world has their own plan or dream, anything they want, it's normal people do in life. Except he/she doesn't want anything, it's kinda weird. So, i can say that it is important to have a good plan to your life. Better if you have the detail. But just don't get too much plans, just make it simple. 

Maybe like 

"I want to learn Chinese"

Or

"I want to buy a house"

It's sounds like mm.. to-do list, maybe. Or anything you called it.

These days, i'm thinking to learn Arabic from the basic again. Not the language.. I mean, i want to read Al-Qur'an better than before.Honestly, i'm too afraid to say about this, but who knows if it would inspire others too ? So, i'm totally don't want to show off, just telling what i want these days. And out of my very big dream to have that.., to have this.., to get those.. in close time i just want to get a job 

that i like. I mean, i can manage time better like i could work, i could hang out, i could play, i have enough time for my mom and brothers. Not focus on work and work only. I don't want to waste my time in office, you know.. It's not my thing. Although i have to do that in the beginning. Almost every time when i get a new job. However, there's still a doubt inside me. It always happens. Have dreams, have plans and DOUBT. But i think lil doubt is okay, it won't destroy me. 

5 months ago, i posted about Muse place. It is Loa Kulu. And i wrote there, that i want to study English Literature. It seems so old. It was my dream when i was 17. And now i almost 22 in next month, it's mean there's so many to do list that i made that time, i can't inked out that point yet now. I'm not regreting or what.. Just i used to think that i can do anything by myself. And i'm curious, i want to prove something to anyone who stared at me for a long time and watched me doing it myself. I don't know whether they are exist or not. 

But by the time, my problem is getting harder, its level is higher than before. And the quantity is increase. Ah~ this is happen again, i don't know what i talk about here. Finally, i have to do my priority plan in close time. If you are doing it, make it simple. Hope you enjoy my article, i know it's boring but maybe you'll like it. Haha. Have a nice day!

Don't Wasting Time

Honestly, aku udah cukup. Cukup lama. Setelah 2 tahun lulus dan belum dapat pekerjaan yang bagus. Bagus dalam hal-hal baik untuk pengalaman hidup, well anggap aja emang salah aku (: Pertama. Walaupun sudah tau passion aku apa sejak SMP, tapi pas lulus SMA malah nggak lari kesana. Dulu (waktu lulus SMA) ada 2 pilihan, jurusan Sastra Inggris atau Seni Musik. Tapi malah masuk jurusan Keuangan dan Perbankan Syari'ah yang mana dari SMA ngga pernah bisa pelajaran ekonomi. Tau kan gimana susahnya memahami materi dari awal.

Actually, what i did these 2 years? I was dreaming, maybe? Normal people life will happen like this :

• Graduate
• Search for a job, googling job vacancy
• Apply for a job
• Test and interview
• Pass the tests and start to work

Sedangkan aku :

• Graduate
• Search for a job, googling job vacancy
• Apply for a job
• Test and interview
• Pass the tests 
• Work during 2 months and resigned

I did it maybe 4 or 5 times in 2 years and i can't write it on my CV. Is it about passion? Is it not my passion? Oh yas! Lagi lagi tentang passion. Waktu kuliah semester 3, ada dosen matkul pengembangan kepribadian. Alm. Pak Syamsul Arifin, dosen favorit selama kuliah, yang membuka mataku lebih lebar lagi tentang passion. Setiap pertemuan selalu ditunggu-tunggu materi beliau. But i don't know, the others maybe didn't too interest in it. Beliau ngejelasin gimana bekerja dengan passion, mencintai pekerjaan itu penting, passion adalah kunci sukses, dll. Beliau juga pernah memberi contoh.

"Kalau dari kecil David Beckham tinggal di Balikpapan, mungkin nggak dia jadi pemain sepakbola yang terkenal? Kalo misalkan dia jadi pedagang atau kerja kantoran, apa bisa setenar kalau dia jadi pemain sepakbola? Kenapa dan apa yg salah?" 

Yup. Tempat. Kota/negara. Faktor lokasi dimana seseorang itu tinggal adalah salah satu kunci sukses. Berapa bulan yang lalu ada yang post quote ini di Instagram : "If you don't like where you stand, move. You're not a tree." Yup! Setuju. Kamu bukan pohon yang nggak punya kaki buat pindah. Setidaknya dengan eksplorasi tempat kamu bisa punya pilihan mana yang lebih baik. Walau akan muncul banyak masalah setelah itu, but itu urusannya nanti.

Berkaitan sama apa yang aku maksud di atas "akan muncul banyak masalah baru, meskipun kita sudah memilih pilihan yang tepat". Alm.pak Syamsul pernah juga memberikan contoh.

Apa yang dilakukan ikan ikan kecil di laut saat mereka harus hidup/tinggal dengan ikan besar yang most of them adalah pemangsa ikan kecil? Bagaimana cara mereka bertahan hidup? Kalau dimudahkan, kita pindahkan aja ikan ikan tadi ke satu wadah yang tidak terlalu besar dan masukkan juga ikan hiu kecil kedalamnya, apa yang akan terjadi dengan ikan ikan kecil ?

Sudah pasti akan ketakutan, kan? Karna ada ikan hiu yang siap memangsa mereka. Tapi ikan ikan kecil tidak akan bertahan hidup kalo mereka diam. Diam = mati. Ikan ikan kecil harus tetap berenang menjauhi ikan hiu kecil untuk tetap hidup. Yang optimis, dia selamat.

Nah, sama seperti halnya manusia. Kalo kamu berdiam diri sama aja dengan kamu mati (kasarnya). Kalo mau lapar tapi kamu diam aja, nanti kamu pingsan. Sesederhana itu. Kalau ada masalah, pasti ada ketakutan, kekhawatiran, tapi yang paling penting adalah bagaimana solusinya. So, the key of success, salah satunya passion dan solusi. Jadi kalo kamu yang masih SMP atau punya adik, sepupu, atau mungkin pacar?yang masih SMP atau bahkan SD beruntung sekali kalo sudah tau passionnya apa. Karna nggak ada kata sia-sia nantinya. Well, walaupun bagi aku ga ada yang sia sia di dunia ini. Semua ada manfaatnya (: bahkan if bad things happen. Hmm. So.. maaf ya topiknya kali ini "agak bukan aku." Hanya mencoba hal baru (: as always. Have a nice day!