Thursday, September 12, 2024
Sep, 12th 2024
Wednesday, September 4, 2024
I Can't Believe It
I have talk to them who is cured. They're so kind, telling me what to do since the first screening. It is not easy to get here today. I have to meet several doctors, i have to accept their words that they want me to adapt with my illness. "It is just a sound of your blood flow, so what can we do?" Damnit.
I've been so patient, i've mad, i've cried, i've tried to do normal stuff like normal people without a rare disease. I avoid toxic people, toxic positivity, fake cares, i just avoid fake people that make my life heavier. It is one of stress relieving. It is a way of medication too.
But i am just tired. Not like i am not being grateful. It is a pure human feeling, and it is my rights to cry or sad or mad. It is my rights to search the cure.
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| DSA, June 2024 |
Tuesday, September 3, 2024
Single Baru! Minggu Ke2 September '24
What's up?
Don't let dreams just be dreams, lagu pertama yang berhasil kutulis tahun 2017. Yeap, 7 tahun berlalu, banyak yang ku pelajari dari songwriting, music production, mengerucutkan dan membentuk standard supaya tidak terlalu lebar. It helps me a lot. Ini juga termasuk progress besar-besaran yang aku lakuin akhir-akhir ini. Selain fokus medication, survive with wfh job, aku nggak pernah stop bikin musik. Banyak hal yang gagal tapi lebih enak kalo mereview yang berhasil. Itu nggak selalu tentang uang kan?! So, first skill unlocked, secondly.. i am still doing this, music and writing.
Don't let dreams just be dreams terinspirasi dari film Sing Street. Punya nuansa happy sad dan pilihan chord yang simple dan lirik yang jujur. Lagu ini sebenarnya sudah sering dibawakan secara offline di beberapa panggung gigs lokal di Balikpapan. Bukan lagu yang banyak emosi, lebih cocok didengar saat bepergian, driving if you drive a car, because i am not haha
Don't let dreams just be dreams akan tersedia di berbagai platform musik digital di minggu kedua September 2024. Sebagai jejak dari proses pembuatannya, aku akan update di blog ini rutin, just for myself in the future. Kali ini artwork dikerjakan oleh artist asal Balikpapan juga, ipn.dd. So brilliant!
Thursday, April 25, 2024
Mind & The City 2024
Tuesday, March 26, 2024
HEIZE - Hold Me Back OST. Queen Of Tears CHORD
Gm D#
Bigeopae
Nan tto dwidora neoege deungeuljyeo
Jigeumdo ireoke maneun mareul samkinchae
Dan hanbaljaguk georiman namginchae
Daedapae
Naneun mwol neoege haejumyeon doelkka?
Museopge neoegemaneul hyanghae ganeunde
Jeo ape niga inneungeol aneunde
Meomchwojwo
Jebal nareul yeogiseo
Neoege ttwieoganeun nal meomchwojwo
Naneun neoreul inneun beobeul
Niga eomneun naui gireun
Moreuni?
Nal meomchwojwo
Sojunghae
Negen modeungeol
Da jugo sipeosseo
Mianhae
Teogeopsi mojarangeon aljiman
Nae maeumi neol geuriwohae
Ani geuripda mothae apahae
Sasohan sillangido
Jugeulmankeum datun ildo
Nan ijen eopseumyeon andwae
Meomchwojwo
Jebal nareul yeogiseo
Neoege ttwieoganeun nal meomchwojwo
Naneun neoreul inneun beobeul
Niga eomneun naui gireun
Moreuni?
Niga eomneun geu binjaril ttara
I sunganedo nan neoege
Ganeun kkumeul kkwo
Nan tto
Naui moduneun neouigeot
Naege hana nameungeon
Neoui ireum gieok
Meomchwojwo
Jebal nareul yeogiseo
Neoege ttwieoganeun nal meomchwojwo
Naneun neoreul inneun beobeul
Niga eomneun naui gireun
Moreuni?
Nal meomchwojwo
Romanization romanized easy chord
CRUSH - Love You With All My Heart CHORD
"Love You With All My Heart (미안해 미워해 사랑해)"
(from "Queen Of Tears" soundtrack)
VERSE:
E
It's the same day
C#m
Ireoke neoreul
B
Dasi bulleoboneun
A
Itgo itdeon maeumdeulgwa
E
Ijeya naemineun
C#m B
Naui miryeonhan jinsimdeul
A
Neujeoseo mianhae
PRE CHORUS:
A B
I wish I could have told you that
E
I was born to love you
D#/E C#m
To love you with all my heart
A B
Neol hyanghan simjangi meomchwojijiga ana
CHORUS:
E B
Still want you all the time
C#m A
Ajik nae maeumsok hankyeonui bange
E B F#m
Geuriumeuro gadeuk chaewo
A
Neoreul gidaryeo
E B
Need you all the time
C#m A
Amu maldo jeonhaji mothae
E B A
Sigansogeul hemeineun
B E
Nareul miwohae
VERSE 2:
It's the same night
Heurithan eoneu bam angae soge neoreul
Bulleobogon hae nan tto
Sigan jeopyeone binnadeon
Gieogeul tteoollyeo
Du son kkok jabatdeon
PRE CHORUS:
I wish I could have told you that
I was made to love you
To love you with all my heart
Mangseorida honja samkyeotdeon mal saranghae
CHORUS:
Still want you all the time
Ajik nae maeumsok hankyeonui bange
Geuriumeuro gadeuk chaewo
Neoreul gidaryeo
Need you all the time
Michin deusi nege dallyeoga
Du pal gadeuk neoreul pumgo
BRIDGE:
E B
And I want you to know
C#m A E
You're the only reason
B A
That I still breathe that I still live
E B
And to tell you
C#m A
Saranghaetdeon naui jinsimi
E B A
Sarangbatdeon modeun gieogi
B E
Nae modeun iyu
A E
Yuilhan iyu
Mm
Romanization romanized easy chord
Sunday, December 31, 2023
Half of 2023
December, 2023
Rumah sakit yang sama dengan bulan September lalu, namun berbeda poli. Poli ini pun bukan yang pertama melainkan yang kedua. Timelinenya di mulai dari bulan Agustus 2023. THT-KL pertama di RS Restu Ibu, dua kali kunjungan namun belum reda setelah mengkonsumsi obat flu/alergi, vitamin saraf, dan pelancar darah.
Pun, belum jelas apa diagnosa pastinya. Self-diagnosed bukan hal yang baik, tapi nggak bisa dipungkiri, begitu banyak pikiran di dalam kepala sejak 5 bulan lalu. Sedari awal ke fasilitas kesehatan, diagnosanya berbeda-beda, namun pastinya seputar masalah telinga. Dari 'otitis media, unspecified' dan terakhir kali ke spesialis THT-KL, diagnosanya 'Tinnitus'.
Berbagai artikel online aku baca dan begitu banyak faktor-faktornya, begitu luas sampai akhirnya mengerucut sendiri akibat inisiatif membaca dengan seksama. Self-diagnosed tidak baik, namun so far, ini mengarah kepada Pulsatile Tinnitus, subjective. Begitu banyak juga penyembuhannya dari orang-orang yang sudah sembuh, salah satunya adalah operasi gigi geraham bungsu. Satu hal yang masih aku takuti sejak 2015 sampai akhirnya berani di tahun ini. Ikhtiar ke dokter bedah mulut, RS Balikpapan Baru, namun rontgen dilakukan di RS Beriman. Lalu, aku terbiasa dengan aktifitas itu, drama bolak-balik faskes, demi mengetahui penyebab pasti penyakitku.
Sampai sini, apakah ada yang salah dengan keputusanku? Aku merasa sedikit kesalahan, karna tidak percaya dengan dokter THT-KL yang pertama. Kesalahan itu diperkuat dengan statement dokter bedah mulut yang mengatakan "impacted teeth tidak ada hubungannya dengan tinnitus. dokter nggak janji ya kalau operasi gigi bisa menyembuhkan tinnitusnya"
Aku menjawab, "iya dok ngga papa"
Tetap harus dilakukan, karna akan menabrak gigi depannya. Dan kebetulan gigi yang harus diangkat pertama adalah sebelah kanan atas, sisi yang sama dengan telinga yang mengalami tinnitus.
Timeline lengkap:
1 Aug - pertama kali terjadi di telinga kanan
6 Aug - semakin intens 24jam, susah tidur
9 Aug - ke THT diresepkan cetirizine, mecobalamin, methylprednisolone
16 Aug - ke THT diresepkan flunarizine, mecobalamin, cereton
27 Aug - ke dokter bedah mulut
9 Oct - operasi gigi geraham bungsu kanan atas
suara ditelinga berangsur hilang dan jarang muncul
Akhir Nov - pilek nggak sembuh-sembuh, hidung kiri mampet, suara ditelinga muncul lagi intens
Kemungkinan-kemungkinan
Akhirnya, setelah menunggu seminggu karna dokter THT yang dituju masih cuti, 12 Desember jadi hari pertama konsultasi dengan beliau. Sangat ramah dan konsultasinya berisi, edukatif dan membicarakan kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang bisa menjadi sebab terjadinya tinnitus di telinga kananku. Diagnosa baru pun muncul dengan nama 'Oklusi Tuba Eustachius'. Aku lalu di beri obat pilek, lambung, radang, dan obat semprot hidung. Lalu diarahkan untuk mengikuti terapi sinar sebanyak 10x di poli rehabilitasi medik di rumah sakit yang sama.
Timeline terbaru:
12 Dec - ke THT yang baru
14 Dec - Terapi Rehabilitasi Medik pertama1
8 Dec - Terapi ke2
Sampai dengan terapi ke 7 tidak ada perubahan. Aku dirujuk ke sp. THT di RS lain yang paling lengkap di Balikpapan.
Sunday, November 19, 2023
My First EP 'Bloom' is Out!
I've just released an EP, the lyric videos are now available on my youtube channel. 'Bloom' means like a flower blooming and also means i'm not done yet (pronounce as 'belum' in bahasa Indonesia means not yet).
Contains 3 songs including Restarting that i've been released on last March (2023), i think it has incomplete vibes because at the start, i want to make an album, so this EP is just like an intro of the story. But nevermind.
Mostly, the songs production was done by me and Aan (Bedroom Dweller Records) and the rest was by me and my friend A.M (photos, videos, lyric videos).
Hmm, i have no much words to say because i am literally so tired and happy at the same time, mixed feelings. But this EP is for myself. I remember i started to learn to write a song since 2015 and began to produced in 2017 and this EP itself planned to be produced since 2019. It was a long waits. The X factor is my production skills such as mixing and mastering is not that far, so it took some years to learn and know what i want. Because, most of time, what i listen to and what i make is totally different.
Now, it's worth it. Seeing that my things are done is better than hoping the progress runs well. I know both are important but i prefer to focus on the result now so i have to make the progress is run well.
Restarting is a song about me restarting my music life by believing that i can do the production alone and i don't want someone to change my plan, my songs, my anything in the progress time. And also i quit hoping that people or community will help me to produce and promote my songs. Because eventho i love my very first single 'If I Knew', it is just not like me. Not what i wanted, but it still sounds beautiful. The production is awesome. I can't lie. But yeah, Restarting is about me starting my own journey as a bedroom musician. It all began at my bedroom. This song was made in 2019 when i got a new job and moved on from the studio.
Track 2Bargain is a song for my belated father. This is the hardest song to sing. For me it took years to reach the Bargain stage. I use the word from the stage of grieving. The song was made in 2020.
Track 3
Accompany Me is amazing song about my anxiety seeing friends in their hard times. Seeing friends in college and working all day. Trouble sleeping and all, thinking about being me to help them.




