Anxiety of Drinking Coffee, Soda, etc

i have anxiety. i m worry that much about my body, about what i drink. a few months ago i decided to stop drink coffee often. i limit it to only twice a month. i decide it myself.

i used to always said that coffee helps me writing the songs, coffee helps me stop my headache, and etc. i always said that coffee helps me a lot but i also worrying my body and my head after i have a cup of coffee. 

now, i'm working far from home. the office only serve us two brands of coffee and tea. the office is quite far from the city too.. so it's like we don't have much option to drink. i decided to quit soda and sweet drink since 2013. so, for me it's not a big problem when i dont have much option to drink. but, depends on the situation of my working place.. when everybody like drinking coffee every single day, it's like a right way to live, to survive and even it's like a must. i don't want to be like that. i mean.. to decide or doing the bad thing. you know, coffee isn't bad but if you consume it too much.. that's another case.

i stop doing music

i remember my last stage was when i sing at Samarinda with Irine and the other musicians. 

i promised myself that it is my last performance this year.

it's my 9th performance long as i being solo musician. 

i'm healing myself nowadays. 

i think it was my thought only, but i wanna tell that fake people, toxic people are exist

around us.

i've been in anger, i never fail myself, i never disappoint myself

'cause i always know what i'm doing

what's my purpose..

but then i met these people

who is trapped me with their bad words

they make me hate myself 

but then again i think my walls are too weak 

so they can come in easily

they know no boundary 

i mean, if you don't have positive or good words

can you just quiet ?

even cursing, i avoid that

out of it, i don't even care anymore

that's their big problem 

only them who can solve the problem 

people who underestimate someone is people who doubt theirselves a lot

'cause i believe that words are reflecting our own selves

so, i made my debut again after restarting my life 

i perform at Telkom yesterday in the early morning at 8 

and that is my last perform before i move (temporarily) to another city in Kalimantan 

this is my last performance this year

i'm gonna miss me sing on stage :)

the changes

lightnings are still happen outside since the past hour

i just get home after work and having a late dinner with my friends

it's 2:23 a.m when i'm typing on my laptop... finally...

the last day has come (after 15 days)

i miss this, typing on my laptop

listen to the fan's sound, calm..

it is just the perfect me time for me

i still can feel my back hurt

hurt for the wholeeee weekdays-weekend

but it's not a problem since i really want to do physical job

so?

what is the changes?

i think it's very small changes from me

1. i don't have any goals now
2. my life is wayyyyy to simple now (i don't force myself, when i'm tired take a break and learn how to let go of things that doesn't belong to me anymore)
3. talk or not talk to anyone is fine for me, i don't take it seriously anymore, it's so flexible now
4. take any chance, take any chance, even if i am unfit or lack of sleep, i don't wanna miss one chance (music activity or a real working) i might make my music activity as a real job for me someday but idk yet, depends on many factors
5. i'm not process oriented anymore but also the result now
6. emotionally stable now, i mean.. i don't hide my emotional and hoarding it myself. i ask my mom or my bestie to help me at least to just listen to me and give me the most effective solution of it

so, who am i ? 

this is my public journal

everyone can read this

and everyone has their own rights to judge and to see

prove that i love myself since i made this blog

until now, it never disappoint me at all

playlist : Westlife - Westlife Album

"pikiran orang-orang"

pikiran orang-orang terlalu kompleks. ekspektasi dan harapan yang masih mereka miliki melemahkan kesederhanaan pikiran orang-orang biasa. berbondong-bondong agat terlihat baik dan terbaik. padahal luka dimana mana. jika ia mengetahui satu hal baru lebih cepat daripada orang lain, bagiku tidak cukup untuk menganggap diri terbaik.

pikiran orang-orang terlalu tinggi, aku bukan lawan yang tepat dengan pikiran sederhana.

pikiran orang-orang bahwa aku terlalu sulit dimengerti, itu adalah cerminan kata yang menggambarkan bagaimana mereka berusaha memahami diri mereka sendiri.

pikiran orang-orang sangat terbatas tapi terlampau jauh. mungkin mereka lupa apa yang menjadikan manusia mulia. bukan dengan saling menjatuhkan, melemahkan, dan perlahan mematikan yang lainnya.

jika ingin menjadi yang terbaik
jika ingin menjadi yang terpandai
jika ingin menjadi terkenal

tidak perlu untuk meremehkan orang lain yang pikirannya lebih sederhana

hai orang-orang pintar..
pengetahuan dan kemampuan orang itu tidak diukur dari perkataannya
tapi kau mudah sekali ditebak dari perkataanmu sendiri

i don't know how

aku mulai sakit kepala berbicara dengan orang-orang ini

panggil aku pecundang
lari dari kenyataan
pulang sebelum menang
bersembunyi dan menulis
terima kasih

yang hidup akan mati
hidup sendiri sudah melelahkan
apalagi bertemu dengan orang-orang seperti kalian
yang tidak pernah puas dengan keadaan orang lain

apakah aku
atau temanku yang sakit pikirannya ?

atau kalian yang tidak ingin menyadari semuanya ?

Tips Datang ke Big Bad Wolf Balikpapan 2019

Tahun ini Balikpapan kebagian giliran event pameran buku besar nih. Big bad wolf (BBW) di Balikpapan baru dihadirkan tahun ini, 2019. Kebetulan aku adalah salah satu kru BBW di Balikpapan. Mau share sedikit tips datang ke BBW karena hari ini udah di buka Preview Day-nya. Jadi, kalian bisa datang sehari lebih cepat daripada sales day nya sendiri, hari ini buka dari jam 8 pagi sampai jam 12 malem. (Bagi yang sudah punya Preview Day Pass). 

Keuntungan datang di Preview Day ini adalah (kemungkinan) pengunjung dan antrian kasirnya tidak akan terlalu ramai. Untuk sale day nya, dari tanggal 1-10 November 2019, bisa masuk secara gratis dari jam 8 pagi sampai jam 12 malam. Oh iya, lokasinya di BSCC Dome ya. Karna ini adalah kali pertama BBW di Balikpapan dan diadakan di area yang cukup luas yaitu di Dome. Aku mau share tips untuk datang ke BBW. Semoga membantu ya.

Tips :

1. Datang lebih pagi/cepat (untuk menghindari antrian panjang)
2. Gunakan pakaian yang nyaman 
3. Pakai alas kaki/sepatu/sandal yang nyaman untuk jalan kaki lama (karena kalo mau muterin all section bisa sampe berjam-jam)
4. Bawa minum dan bekal sendiri (supaya nggak dehidrasi dan kelaparan)
5. Bawa tas atau koper sendiri karena disana tidak disediakan plastik
6. Membantu menjaga kebersihan hall section 

Selain itu, tetap waspada, jaga keamanan masing-masing yha. See you there! 

Kalau mau follow akun instagram BBW bisa klik Official Big Bad Wolf ID 

Joji, Jackson Wang - Walking (ft. Swae Lee, Major Lazer) CHORD

Intro :
Chorus (Swae Lee) :
Verse (Joji) :
Bridge (Swae Lee) :
Verse 2 (Jackson) :
Chorus (Swae Lee) :

Intro
Woah, oh
Woah, oh
Woah, oh
Yeah

Chorus
What it's gon' take? (Take)
What it's gon' take to make you shake your worries away (Shake)
I'm finally seeing you face to face  (Face, hey)
It's your beauty girl, plus your frame (Ooh, ooh)

Verse
You got what I want, I see you walking away
This feels too real, I hope we could be the same
Some could fuck with you, won't get nowhere
I just want to relive this over
I need you to know, I need you to know
And my body will never let go
So bright, baby, never turn the lights on
I'll be there to catch you if you fall
We'll be better, oh (Yeah)

Chorus
What it's gon' take? (Take)
What it's gon' take to make you shake your worries away (Shake)
I'm finally seeing you face to face (Face, hey)
It's your beauty girl, plus your frame (Ooh, ooh)

Bridge
And I can't wait (Wait)
She a lil' teeny Kimi 'cause she love to sunbathe (Bathe)
Usually I don't even trip but I can't see you walking away (Way)
She don't even know how I do all this in one day (Ooh)

Verse 2
I got the moves, yeah
You got the juice, yeah
We can get loose and go wild-wild-wild
Play you for keeps, yeah
Don't want to waste time
My pain with me, take a ride-ride-ride
Swerving in Phantoms, oh yeah (Oh yeah)
She say I look handsome, oh yeah (Oh, oh yeah)
Jump on the jet, we can talk when we land
Baby, now I got her in the palm of my hand
So give me all ties
Baby, you live life
Do this in your time
Baby, I don't mind
Do this like a young Skywalker (Walker)
Baby, you're a real smooth talker, just

Chorus
What it's gon' take? (Take)
What it's gon' take to make you shake your worries away (Shake)
I'm finally seeing you face to face (Face, hey)
It's your beauty girl, plus your frame (Ooh, ooh)

Karsha - 0/10 Lyric

now here's the castle of our dream
the forest that we had never ever seen
it's locking us in this scene
scene that has never been told
or even to be found from the people before
now i know that i am lost

facing the woods they are looking
and hunting me down, so i keep on running
leaving myself out from this
this place that fills with the brad treat
although it all unreal
but i am drown in it
still i know that i am lost

hopes are vanishing from here (losing my fight)
my lungs are crawling out from me (into the light)
hopes are vanishing from here (losing my fight)
my lungs are crawling out from me (into the light)

hopes are vanishing from here (losing my fight)
my lungs are crawling out from me (into the light)
hopes are vanishing from here (losing my fight)
my lungs are crawling out from me (into the light)

source : Karsha Youtube

Minimalism, A Small List

It's been 15 months since we move to the new rent house near my office (not anymore) and i believe it's been almost a year me decluttering my stuff. My clothes, little stuff like gifts, broken toy, etc. I also bought my dream stuff (honestly, it was my bestie bought me a rack from IKEA). It isn't that expensive one, idk why so hard to have it. 

I never said that i'm a minimalist, but as i remember i used to mention in my social media profile such as Facebook, Twitter that i always love simple. In fact, since i live separate from my mom, it's like the right time to make my dreams come true (to declutter stuff). I think my mom is maximalist, she love unique and antique also cute stuff.

I used make a list (since 2014) and i stop it in this year 'cause i know that i have enough list. I just have to buy and tick one by one. Now, i want to share all i have done to my room, just a small list but i'm happy with it :

1. Have an IKEA mulig rack (done) - after 5 years sitting on my list
2. Paint my small table white (done)
3. Paint my room all white (on process) - including window's and door's frame
4. Decluttering clothes (50% done)
5. Have a storage box (done) - i bought this from Hypermart and brought it to my house by bike with my bestie
6. Fixing my curtain rod
7. Only own what i need

Next time, i will share the progress picture of my room.